Saturday, November 7, 2009

Remembering My Dad, Potatoes and Bread


Note: I just found this reflection I'd written over a year ago.


Remembering My Dad, Potatoes and Bread. April 19, 2008, Albuquerque



As I was peeling potatoes tonight to put into a stew, I thought of my father. I haven’t been eating many potatoes lately. Ed was also a “meat and potatoes” man, and I haven’t eaten many potatoes since he died.

We practically lived on potatoes when I was growing up. It wasn’t a meal without potatoes. But, my dad complained about the quality of the potatoes we were buying, and blamed their condition on commercial fertilizers. He was probably right. He disdained potatoes that had black holes and hollow cracks inside, that turned green, and were full of spots. He decided to grow potatoes to feed our family of four. We had a half an empty lot in our yard, and half of that became the potato patch. Our sandy Michigan soil was great for potatoes.

In the summer my brother John and I would be given a nickel, maybe a dime-- if we could fill a pint jar with potato bugs. I don’t think I ever got a nickel. It takes a lot of potato bugs, little round striped things, not very pretty, to fill up a pint jar. I don’t remember too much about the planting (I know my dad cut them into pieces with eyes, and after the first year saved some of the last year’s potatoes to plant), but it was fun to dig them up with a pitchfork, and see the beautiful potatoes come out of the ground. The first “new potatoes” in the summer were always a treat – tiny round balls with thin skin, delicious boiled with the skins on and seasoned with a little salt, pepper, and butter. Later, we’d be dig them in the cold, just before frost and snow. Sometimes the snow caught some still left in the ground.

My dad stored the potatoes in our basement over the winter. The basement had two parts – old and new. The furnace was in the new part, so it got a bit warmer in there in the winter time. The old part was lined on one side with wooden shelves filled with my mother’s canning jars. The middle of the room tended to be full of junk and empty boxes, and there was a hot water heater back by the canning jars. In the northeast corner, though, my dad constructed a couple of bins up against the wall out of wood and old doors.

He covered the bins with layers of burlap bags, and there he stored the potatoes that would feed us all year, until the new potatoes came in the next summer, and even for awhile after that. Sometimes the old potatoes got shriveled – he must have checked on them every so often and thrown out any that were going bad. I don’t remember ever noticing a rotten potato smell when it was my turn to go down to throw back the burlap, reach down into the dark, gritty, chilly bin, and bring up some potatoes for supper.

When I peeled my potatoes tonight, there were some black spots to cut out. Mine came from the store, not from the garden. I thought of my dad, and all the potatoes he had peeled, and thought he would approve of my stew.

I should have some homemade bread to go with it. Long as it has been since I have had potatoes, it is even longer since I made bread. Like the potatoes, my dad couldn’t find bread he was willing to eat, so after old Mr. Lavender’s bakery burned down and Mr. Lavender retired and then died, my dad decided to start making his own bread. By then he had sold his jewelry store, and was a stay-at-home dad. When my mother, brother, and I came home from school, 1 ½ blocks away, every day for the lunch my dad would have it ready for us – often some kind of goulash made of potatoes and hamburger (horsy-keep-your-tail-up), or salt pork and potatoes with white gravy; or kidney stew with tasty onions; or vegetable or pea soup. In the days before he had retired, we’d come home for a quick lunch made with tomato soup from a can and a toasted cheese or tuna sandwich (and sometimes I’d wished that was still what we had).

Dad’s bread wasn’t usually ready by lunch time, although it was often rising then. But after school on a bread day, the smell of fresh bread, still hot from the oven, was heavenly. My mother would often bring other teachers home with her on those days, and they would sit in the kitchen, sipping coffee, and eating the still warm bread spread with melting butter. A whole loaf could disappear on one of those afternoons.

For some reason my dad couldn’t get his dough to rise if he used dry yeast, the only kind the stores seemed to carry. Because of the difficulty of getting cake yeast, he came up with his own sour dough mix, which he kept in a jar and carried with him in later years when he and my mother traveled. I have a picture of him working on his bread in my kitchen in Tucson in 1975. He left me some of his starter, which I used for awhile, but finally had to let go. I didn’t have any trouble making bread with dry yeast, which I learned to buy in bulk and put in the freezer. There was a time that I made lots of bread, too. How did I get too busy or too lazy to stop, even with the help of my Kitchen Aid mixer? I did make bread most of the time in the years before I was married, because I, too, could not stand store bought bread, and it wasn’t easy to find good bread in grocery stores in those days.

One day, I was eating a sandwich made with my homemade bread (whole wheat or rye), in the student union at the University of Arizona. And older man sat down across from me, and commented on my bread, and when I told him that I’d learned bread-making from my father’s example, he told me that he used to bake all the bread for his entire family when he was a young boy!

I didn’t make bread tonight, Daddy, but I’ve sure been thinking of you. Maybe I’ll do it in the morning. When Psyche, your granddaughter came home over Christmas, she wanted to make bread, perhaps remembering how I made bread regularly when she was little, just as I fondly remember all the delicious bread you made for us so many years ago.

Postscript

After I finished writing this, I got a bowl of the stew, not too bad, but a bit burned (the writer not paying attention). Then I turned on PBS and found an Independent Lens program about corn and the industrialization of agriculture, about growing corn with no food value, but high yields to feed feedlot cattle who get sick and die from this diet, if they are not butchered before that happens. Ugh! Much of it goes into making corn syrup, leading to epidemic of obesity and diabetes. My dad was ahead of the times in seeking more healthful eating and prudent use of our natural resources.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Remembering Ed: Year Two

June 2, 2009

Dear Ed,


It is another beautiful June morning, and my thoughts are of you. Two years ago this afternoon you took your last breath and left us. I think of you often and love you forever. My life has been utterly changed without you. I still listen for your footsteps and see your eyes looking into mine. I do not know what lies beyond the grave, but I know you could not have continued to live in this world. Your body wore out. Your suffering ended, and all of us here continue on without the grace of your presence. It is still hard to believe that you are gone.


I still sleep on my side of the bed, and your space is empty.

The dog tries, but does not fill it.

Maybe he is also looking for you when he runs away, as he has been doing lately.


I am building a new life for myself, but it is a different life, an emptier one. Nothing will ever fill your space because you were part of me and our lives together were one life. I miss your wisdom, your comforting presence, and having you as the one who loved me best of all.


This afternoon, in remembrance, Jesse and I will go to the mountaintop where we left your ashes. It is a beautiful spot, on top of the world and close to heaven. I look up there daily, and think of you as I drive across Albuquerque in the car you bought me.


Chrysler is gone and General Motors is going. And you are gone, too, as is a whole way of life. As another one-time Michigander, you, too, would understand that nostalgia for the fifties and sixties when prosperity rode on Detroit’s wheels and the shining post-war future looked so bright. We were both young, then, although you were older than I.


You would be delighted and amazed to see Obama as our president, although his job may well be an impossible one. America will never elect a Black man as president, you said. You would happily have been proved wrong.


Today, I go to vote for the Middle Rio Grande Conservancy Board that controls our life-giving irrigation water, another area fraught with controversy and difficulties.


Later I will go to school to interview candidates for my replacement in the library. I think of all the things that I did not accomplish in that job, and hope that someone else will be able to do them. I also think of what I did accomplish, and doubt that anyone else could have done what I did.


A plane with 242 people aboard has disappeared in thunderstorms over the Atlantic. How often when you and I flew over that water, I reached for your hand during bumps, knowing that our lives could end in an instant, but that we would die happy. I can still hardly believe that God brought you to me. What a gift it is to have a loving partner.


Life changes, and the world goes on, at least for now.


Your still loving and grieving wife, Linnea

Monday, April 6, 2009

Remembering My Friend Kathy


My dear friend of nearly 38 years, Kathleen Fockler Curley, lost her long battle with cancer on March 30, 2009. Kathy and I were friends since we met on our first day of classes in our M.A. program in English at the U. of Arizona in 1971. Our friendship was cemented early-on, when her husband Ed accompanied me to the U. of A. farm where we filled trash bags and the trunk of my car with manure for my garden.

We studied together, partied together (we loved games of charades), shared book discussions, and traveled together on one wild train trip from Nogales to Mexico City in May 1973. In 1975-76 we both returned to U. of A. to complete our library science degrees, and our friendship continued as before. Later, when I moved to Pennsylvania and married my Ed, we continued to meet, in Pennsylvania and in Tucson. In 1978, both times we met a pope died. We wondered if we should keep meeting.

Kathy and Ed became "Aunt Kathy and Uncle Ed" to Jesse, and then to Psyche. We shared countless conversations about books, travel, and life, by phone, letters, email, and in person over these many years. We never ran out of interesting things to talk about, since Kathy was interested in almost everything. In addition we shared interests in books, our library careers, education, and the state of the world. She would fix me with her intelligent, often twinkling eyes, and I would know that she was about to say something worth hearing.

Farewell, dear friend. I will miss you always. We have traveled far together, and now you've gone ahead of me into the unknown.

Ed, my heart goes out to you. I know how devastating it is to lose one's life's partner and center.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Christmas Greetings, 2008



Christmas Greetings, 2008

Wishing you love and peace, throughout the season and the coming year.

This has been a year of transitions, and of highs and lows. In February, hankering for true winter in the Upper Peninsula, I had my longings fulfilled and then some, as I experienced blowing snow, icy temperatures, a beautiful snowmobile ride with my brother John, and then crash! I flew over the handlebars, landing hard on my right wrist and severely fracturing it. I returned to Albuquerque for surgery. (“It looks like the hand is about to fall off,” said the Albuquerque surgeon.) I recovered fairly rapidly, except that the imbalance caused by the fracture led to serious back pain during the spring and summer. In the past month I’ve been working with a personal trainer, to strengthen core muscles, and I’ve continued Nia and yoga.

At the end of May, I went to San Francisco to spend my birthday/anniversary weekend with Psyche. Julia was also there that week, and we both saw Psyche and her friends and a few thousand other riders depart early in the morning from the Cow Palace in Daly City on their week-long AIDS/LifeCycle bicycle ride to Los Angeles. When I returned home, I finished packing every book in the school library in preparation for construction over the summer.

In June I attended the Children’s Literature Association meeting in Normal, IL, and visited friends in Lower Michigan before heading north to see some of the folks I’d missed when my February trip was cut short. Over July 4th, Jesse and I drove to Big Sky, Montana for a Philips family reunion. We were saddened by the news of the death of Ed’s brother Bob, the last remaining Philips sibling. At the end of July, Cousin Jane Bruemmer came from Michigan, and we enjoyed two operas in Santa Fe as well as a Georgia O’Keeffe landscape tour of the Ghost Ranch.

It was back to school in August, and unpacking the 20,000 some library books. I said I couldn’t do all that lifting, and the principal hired some movers to help.

In early September I flew to Copenhagen for the International Board on Books for Young People Congress (IBBY). After five days in wonderful Copenhagen, I took the train over the bridge to Sweden, where I had an incredible ten days visiting relatives and ancestral sites. Cousin Magnus Persson guided me around in Skåne and Småland, and Nanna and Tage provided us gracious accommodations in their lovely home in Vittsjö. (My mother and her father had visited the Mårtensson family in 1939, and Ed and I and Jesse and Psyche had previously visited in 1991.) Then I took the train to Torsby in Värmland, where I stayed in Youth Hostels and had the expert and generous help of Tore Bakken in finding the home places and ancestral records for Hendrickson, Erickson, and Johannes Olson ancestors. In addition to visiting the places where my ancestors had lived, the biggest thrill was meeting some third cousins on the side of my mother’s mother, whom Tore had discovered for me. I was expecting to meet two cousins, and much to my surprise a whole group of extended family came to the evening gathering at the home of Maj-Lis Riddarsporre. (Photos of the entire trip and other of this year’s events are on Flickr.)

The first weekend in October a small group of friends (several from my UNM cancer caregivers writing group), Craig Werner from Buffalo, NY, and Jesse, Psyche and I had a small ceremony in a beautiful spot in the Sandia Mountains where we scattered Ed’s ashes, and had a breakfast picnic, singing and sharing memories.

In early November I spent a week in New York, connecting with children’s literature friends and others in New York City, and my college roommate Mary Kay Olson in Tarrytown, as well as going to the remodeled MOMA, Madama Butterly at the Met, the Cloisters, Dia: Beacon, and the Roosevelt and Vanderbilt estates in Hyde Park.

Our good friends John and Karen Nystrom, and Karen’s mother Mary came down from Ft. Collins, CO for Thanksgiving. It was such a lovely time – it almost felt like the old days when our two families shared nearly every holiday meal together for many years. Jesse was with us, but Psyche was vacationing in Korea.

Many experiences this year, even the difficult ones such as the broken wrist and the debilitating back pain, have in the long run been positive in giving me strength. I’m beginning to move beyond survival, to build new traditions and a new life. Friends, family, faith, and my writing group have all been sources of support. A person I’ve never even met, a friend of friends, sent me a wonderful book, Elizabeth Neeld’s Seven Choices: Finding Daylight after Loss Shatters Your World, an excellent resource.

I will be serving on the 2010 Newbery Award Committee this coming year, and I am contemplating retirement. The Obama election gave me hope – on election night I said I didn’t think I’d felt so happy since the day I married Ed. I wish Ed could have seen this election. I’d love to hear his thoughts on the current economic crisis. He’d be saying, “I told you so,” since he’d been saying the stock market was over-inflated for at least 30 years. I don’t think anyone knows what’s next. Perhaps our capitalistic lifestyle based on the endless acquisition of possessions is coming to a deserved end?

Jesse and I will be joining Psyche in San Francisco from December 19-28 – a new kind of Christmas celebration for all of us. I’m already nostalgic for the luminaria and the smell of piñon smoke on crisp cold nights, but I am sure San Francisco will have its own holiday charm.

May love strengthen us as we face the challenges of each day.


Friday, October 10, 2008

Sandia Mountain Overlook

October 2008


Last weekend we returned Ed's ashes to the earth, in a beautiful spot in the Sandia mountains, and had a lovely small gathering. The photos are on Flickr. Then this week, I found our last sheep, Beezus, who was born here, on her side and unable to stand when I tried lifting her up. So, I called the vet, and now she's gone to sheep heaven. It won't be the same without a sheep in the backyard, and I'll miss her bleating, and her gazing at the house, as though she were hoping to be let in some day.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Copenhagen and Sweden

I'm working on my itinerary for my visit to Copenhagen for the IBBY Congress September 7-10, and to Sweden to look for ancestral roots and visit relatives during the week following the Congress. Here is a link to a video of the Trainhostel where I will be staying for one night in Lund, Sweden. It is in Swedish, but the message is clear. Here also is the link to the IBBY Congress.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Bob Philips


The last of the children of Mildred and John Philips, Bob, died on July 2 as several of us were enroute to the Philips family reunion in Big Sky. We miss you, Bob.
http://www.palmmemorial.com/serviceinfo.php

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Philips Family Reunion, Big Sky, Montana



Over the July 4th weekend several members of the Montana Philips/Courtney family gathered in Big Sky, Montana. Rich and Mary Ann Comstock graciously shared their lovely home with us, and provided many meals. We had many opportunities to visit and to hike in the surrounding mountains. Julia, Joan, Jesse, and I shared a primitive campground about 10 miles down the road at Swan Creek. Mike, Maggie, Anthony, and Danny from North Carolina stayed at the River Rock Inn. Maggie Scheid and Father Edward Courtney stayed with Rich and Mary Ann. Dorothy and David Richhart were in their house down the road, and Lisa Philips Graham and sons Duncan and Logan came for one day from Butte.

Joan's Tribute to her Father

Driving down here from Minnesota, I kept thinking how much I am like my dad. He liked to travel, I like to travel. He was frugal, I am frugal. He had a quiet, easygoing nature, I have a quiet, easygoing nature. He was good with numbers, I am good with numbers. I also inherited his sense of social justice and concern for others. I am lucky to have had him for a dad.

-Joan Philips

Presented at the funeral mass in June 2007

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Happy Holidays from Linnea, Psyche, Jesse, with Memories of Ed at the Golden Gate

Christmas Greetings 2007


Dear Friends and Family,

It is hard to write this year’s letter without the help of my first reader, editor, proofreader, best friend, and life partner. Ed’s death on June 2 utterly changed my life. The adjustment is ongoing. He lives in my thoughts and memories every day. We were blessed with 30 wonderful years together. I haven’t yet figured out what’s next. I have been busier than ever, which is in some ways a blessing.

We had a couple of trips before Ed became too ill to travel, with two days in Santa Fe in January and a lovely week at Ixtapan de la Sal, a spa south of Mexico City in February. Psyche came at Easter, and Julia and Michael came in May. I was touched that all seven of the living children came for the memorial mass in June.

In late June, I went to ALA in Washington, and to my high school class reunion in Newberry. In July I visited John and Karen Nystrom in Ft. Collins, Colorado, and in August spent a long weekend with Psyche in San Francisco. At the end of September, I returned to Michigan, where my cousin Mary Ann and I organized a family reunion at the little church on the hill where my grandfather, John Hendrickson, had been pastor from 1904-1911, and where he and many other relatives, including several great grandparents, all four grandparents, and my parents are buried.

I have continued to work on genealogy. Perusing old Swedish church records and discovering names and facts has helped me feel connected to those who have gone before. I’ve also scanned many old family photos, some unidentified, which can be found at http://www.flickr.com/photos/manga_mom/

November took me to Tucson, where I reconnected with old friends and attended a children’s literature conference, and to San Francisco, where Jesse and I spent a week with Psyche, including Thanksgiving at the Point Reyes youth hostel. Psyche and Jesse will be here for Christmas.

Jesse continues to make his living as a free-lance artist. He comes over now and then to cook dinner for me (and do his laundry). His art can be seen at: http://www.miniml.net/jesse/

Psyche continues in her job with Hellman and Friedman in San Francisco, and she also volunteers in the emergency ward of San Francisco General Hospital.

I enjoy my half-time job as elementary school librarian, or as I like to say, the job I’m paid to do half-time. Another teacher, Susan Fuller, has been renting part of the guesthouse since fall, and it is great to have company and someone to look after the animals when I go away. I still have one sheep, three chickens, bees, two cats, and Bert, the dog. I planted some tulip and crocus bulbs the other day, just before several days of rain and snow, so I am hoping to see flowers in springtime. Life is still good, although greatly changed. Every day is a challenge, a mix of tears and joy.


When I drove to Tucson along I-10 this fall, I recalled how I had driven that road for the first time, 36 years ago, to a new life in Arizona. I remember being so excited at the first sight of a yucca blooming somewhere in New Mexico, that I stopped to take a picture. Five years later, in 1976, I drove back along that same road on my way to State College, where I would meet Ed. I cried all the way to Las Cruces, sad that my Arizona life had come to an end. I didn’t know what was waiting for me in State College. This fall I also cried on that road, alone once more. The thirty years with Ed seem to have passed in a flash, like the yuccas briefly glimpsed through the windshield. Perhaps my life will fit into thirds, the first third before Ed, the second third with him, and the third third, should I have that long, as only God knows.

Finally, two poems, the first, by Emily Dickinson, the second by me.

After great pain a formal feeling comes--
The nerves sit ceremonious like tombs;
The stiff Heart questions--was it He that bore?
And yesterday--or centuries before?

The feet, mechanical, go round
A wooden way
Of ground, or air, or ought,
Regardless grown,
A quartz contentment, like a stone.

This is the hour of lead
Remembered if outlived,
As freezing persons recollect the snow--
First chill, then stupor, then the letting go.


Cereal in the Morning

You always made the hot cereal in the morning

I can almost smell it now,

The oatmeal or the cream of wheat

Sifting into the boiling water

Ready when I came out

Perhaps already slightly cold.

“Ah, cream of wheat,” I’d say

Your spoon clinking in the bowl as you finished yours.



God’s blessings on all of us, as we continue on our journeys into the unknown.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Family Reunion September 30. 2007



Members of the Olson-Hendrickson-Erickson-Bergquist-Peterson-Arrowood families gathered on September 30, 2007 at the Bethlehem Covenant Church in Palestine, Stephenson, Michigan, to which our common families originally belonged, to share a meal, memories, and photos. The group photo turned out rather blurry, alas.

Here is a bit of family history:

John Hendrickson departed from Östra Åmtervik, Sweden together with his sister Greta and her husband Lars Magnus Bergquist in 1882. John Hendrickson later sent for his parents Maria and Henrik, and Bergquists and Hendricksons both settled in the rural community of Palestine, near Stephenson (Menominee County), Michigan. On that same ship was Johanna Katrina (wife of Johannes Olson) from Nordmark, Värmland and their younger children, Anna, Andrew, Hulda, William, and the infant Oscar. The Olson family eventually settled in Negaunee, Michigan and later in Ironwood, Michigan.

The marriage of Hulda and Pastor John Hendrickson in 1893 united the families of the Bergquists, Hendricksons, and John Olsons. John Hendrickson served the Humboldt Park Covenant Church in Chicago, was an itinerant preacher, founded the church in Ironwood, and was Pastor of the Bethlehem Covenant Church in Palestine (Stephenson) from 1903 to 1911.

John Hendrickson died in Ironwood on February 28, 1915, the day after his 55th birthday, leaving Hulda with six children: Hugo, Milton, Marion, Leonard, Cornelia, and Gerald. Hulda remained active in the life of her family and the community until her death in 1973 at the age of 98.

Another Swede, John Erickson arrived in North America in 1881 with his wife Christina and the younger children Emil, Gerda, Lydia, and John Victor. Older children August and Alma had come earlier on their own and settled elsewhere. John was born in Wastanvik, Fryksände, Värmland, in 1836. Christina was born in Gällserud, Lysvik, Värmland, in 1834. They departed for North America from Klampenborg, near Sundsvall, and after some time in Norway, Michigan, settled in Palestine, buying 40 acres of timberland in 1884, which became the farm later known as the Olof Olson's.

John Erickson served on the board of the church for many years, and the minutes often noted that he closed the meetings with a prayer. Christina died in 1895, and according to her granddaughter Viola Olson, was one of the first buried in the church cemetery. I have not been able to find a picture of Christina. There are several of John, however, a tall strong man who died in 1914.

Olof Olson and his brother Charles arrived in the 1896 from Markaryd in Småland. Olof married John Erickson’s daughter Lydia on September 25, 1901, and Charles married Jennie Jacobson (another early family). Olof and Lydia had 4 children: Viola, Harold, Doris, and Elsie. In 1943, Doris married Leonard Hendrickson, son of Hulda and John, uniting the Olson and Erickson families with the Hendrickson and Bergquist families. That same year Elise married Carl Peterson, who still lives at the farm below the church. Viola never married, but kept house for her father, Harold, and Elsie after the death of Lydia on October 28, 1928. Harold married Emma Johnson Bunda in 1954.

Two children of John and Hulda, Milton and Cornelia, married members of the Arrowood family (Mary and Frank). Marion married Henry Bruemmer, and Gerald married Senia Suokko. Hugo, who served on the front lines in Alsace, fighting in battles of the Marne, and Meuse Argonne in World War I, never married, and preceded his mother in death.

I know many of us have photos or other early documents to share. Mary Ann and I have scanned many of them. Jo Anne Arrowood Swanson and I have put many of them on Flickr on the internet for all to see, add to, and comment on. The web address is

http://www.flickr.com/groups/hendrickson/

It was twenty years ago in August since we gathered in 1987. It was my mother Doris’s last gathering, and she reported on Pastor John Hendrickson’s diaries. This coming October 9 would have been her 100th birthday. Viola wrote in 1991, at the conclusion of her report to me on family history:

"We are standing on the shoulders of the giants who left us such a beautiful heritage. They were intent on peace and security. They carried their supplies from the tracks -- five miles or more -- from the place now known as Stephenson. They crossed the river on a log carrying 5 gallons of kerosene and 100 pound sacks of flour. Many trips were made."

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Letting the Balloon Go


My Dad is a Balloon that I Let Go

My Dad is a balloon that I let go, floating up into the white fluffy clouds in the blue sky. He got smaller and smaller as he got closer to heaven. After I lost sight of him, I kept looking among the clouds for the tiny speck that was my Dad. Now I look for him everywhere.

I look for him by the chicken coop, holding a bag of chicken feed. I look for him at the liquor cupboard, pouring a small glass of Chartreuse. I look for him in his recliner in the TV room, patting Bert and telling him what a good dog he is. I look for him in my son’s eyes. Andy’s eyes are hazel and oval, not like my Dad’s round brown eyes, but Andy has that same sly look when he’s about to make a joke. At other times, Andy has my Dad’s intense, focused, thoughtful look. You can almost see his brain working.

I look for him in Linnea’s face. She and my Dad took on many of each other’s mannerisms over 30 years of intimacy. She also has so much of his history in her head. They raised two children, coped with plumbing emergencies, drove across Australia in an old Volkswagen van, and had so many other adventures together. She remembers his virtues, his generosity, his gentleness, his thoughtfulness. She remembers his vices, his indulgence in food and drink, his secrecy, and his desire for control.

I look for him in the mirror. His eyes look thoughtfully back at me from my reflection. They tell me that he loved me and took good care of me. They tell me that my virtues are commendable and my vices don’t matter very much. They tell me to stay close to Linnea, to visit Jesse and Psyche, and to take good care of my husband and children.

His eyes tell me that death isn’t so bad, and to be grateful for all that I have done with my life, as he was grateful for his life. – Julia Philips, August 22, 2007

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Poem for the Wake


A Poem for Ed Philips


by Ross Burkhardt
June 16, 2007

81 trips around the sun:
Ed's sweet journey now is done
A year ago we celebrated
With folks to whom he was related
And friends from far, and also near,
Many of whom now reappear
To pay their last respects and mourn
This gentle fellow who was born
Four score years ago plus one
For Ed's sweet journey now is done.

As summer days drift towards September
What is it that we'll remember?
Bert and Wagga, goats and sheep,
Gathering eggs, naps for sleep,
Fragile glassware, politics,
The New York Times, symphony tix,
Salmon dinners, cooking bacon,
Festivities always in the makin'
Voyages down to Mexico,
Off to Greece Ed did go,
Spain, Japan, England, Oz -
Traveling was a noble cause.

So here we are, an Irish wake -
Thank you all, for dear Ed's sake.
Now's the time to share your story
Honoring Ed in all his glory.
Step right up, tell a tale
About this most amazing male.
This is your chance, don't be shy,
Even if you make us cry.
For we deserve to have some fun
Now that Ed's sweet journey's done.

Tributes to Ed from the Memorial Service

REMARKS BY KAREN NYSTROM AT ED’S FUNERAL MASS

A while back on a long road trip, we listened to a book on tape entitled Kim by Rudyard Kipling. The story was set in India, and although I don’t remember anything about the plot, the main character was always looking for people who were on the WAY rather than on the WHEEL. This was the first time I had heard of this expression & I took being “on the way” to mean a person who is authentic and not bound by the constraints of society.

I don’t know if Ed set out to be authentic intentionally, since I have seen old photos of him wearing a suit & tie, but he definitely took the road less traveled.

In death, he is confined to a little box (at least temporarily), but he certainly was not in life.

He was an accomplished professor, but he was also the most unpretentious person I’ve ever met. He showed up at any possible event in his tennis shoes & suspenders and drove his VW camper van until it was ready for a museum.

He was my father’s age, but he acted younger than I do. He stayed in youth hostels well after retirement age & was even robbed in one in London. He was an intrepid traveler known for taking red eye flights. One year, he showed up at my door at Christmas in a Santa Claus suit carrying a basket of cookies. He was ahead of the curve in all things electronic.

Ed was an accountant (an occupation where many of the people in it can be characterized as being ‘uptight’), but he was one of the most easy going people around. He delivered one of his own children unexpectedly at home. And after his 8th child was born, I asked if he thought there would be more. “It’s up to Linnea” was his response. Nothing ever seemed to bother him, except the prospect of one of his wine glasses getting broken.

But most of all we knew he was on ‘the way’ because he was nearly incapable of saying anything bad about another person - unless politics were involved.

Ed, the most unlikely accountant I’ve ever met!

May you rest in the embrace of the family you so delighted in knowing through the words and objects they left behind.



Tribute to Ed

Craig Werner

For June 16, 2007

My friend Ed Philips gives the lie to the Monty Python line that an accountant is “too boring to be of interest.” When I was on sabbatical in 1999-2000, I spent about five months living in Ed’s and Linnea’s home, and during that time and during subsequent shorter visits, I came to know and love Ed for his kindness, intelligence, wit, and good sense. Our friendship was forged through conversation—lots of it. Breakfast, almost always prepared by Chef Ed, would find us listening to NPR’s “Morning Edition,” romping through several items in The New York Times and Albuquerque Journal (always starting with the comics), discussing recent current events, or just plain sitting and enjoying each other’s company. and Scrambled or fried eggs, French toast, bacon—that crisp, flavorful bacon became an Ed trademark for me—fueled our chats so that often, I had a hard time breaking away to go to the UNM campus to do research. Evening meals were just as joyful, preceded by a full viewing of the TV news, and followed by a leisurely porch sit with the whoosh of cars going by on I-40 accompanying our musings. I miss these savory meals and the Southwest atmosphere in which they were taken, but most of all, I miss the dear man who made my times in Albuquerque some of the happiest days of my life.

I recall so many priceless moments with Ed, repeated so often that they became virtually ritualistic. Just before supper, he would intone with mock solemnity, “Dinner is served.” Accompanying the meal was a dish created by Ed, whose name he pronounced with an austerity befitting its make-up: “Ed Salad” with a grand pause between these two words. He was proud of his glass collection, augmented over the years through patient buying and selling, and for every glass of wine I drank with him, he took pleasure in serving it in a different glass, regaling me the while with a tantalizing story of how he came by it or what its chief characteristics were. Our railings against the politicians in power were relentless, pithy, and, I daresay, right on the mark. We traded college teaching stories with all the enthusiasm of new instructors trying out new ideas for the first time. We listened in awe and almost total silence to Maria Callas and other singers we both admired, giving thanks for the power of music to convey the depths of the soul. Ed’s forays into accounting taught me more about taxes, financial record-keeping, and economics than I ever thought it was possible for me to understand, let alone enjoy. Through his quiet enthusiasm, I actually began to sense some of the intriguing qualities of a discipline which had been entirely uninteresting to me before our friendship.

What I will above all treasure most about Ed is that ineffable attitude of kindness and respect with which he treated me and others with whom he came in contact. He taught me much about patience and flexibility in personal daily affairs and about the importance of keeping stress levels low. I particularly remember one night at the supper table when I suddenly realized one of the chief reasons I enjoyed Ed’s company so much. “I feel I have come,” I told Ed and Linnea, “to a home where the word “defensive” has no meaning.”

Five days before Ed passed away, we sat preparing to sip champagne in celebration of his and Linnea’s birthdays the following day. “Are you going to have some champagne, Ed?” I asked. “Yes,” he replied, “three drops.” After the birthday toasts, I asked Ed if he had gotten his champagne. “Five drops, actually,” he said, and I could feel the smile infusing his quip. Those few words, some of the last he ever said to me, conveyed his sense of accuracy, his sense of humor, and his sense of enjoyment at being with people. I am convinced that Ed now knows bliss greater than any of our imaginings. I join so many who celebrate, honor, and cherish the life of this kind, caring, and noble soul.


Julia's Tribute to her Father:

Julia wrote this when she attended the caregivers writing group during the week that Ed was in the hospital, and read it at the Memorial Mass on June 16.


My Dad’s eyes are still the same—a living pool of humor, kindness, and self-deprecation.
He doesn’t want to die, and he doesn’t want to be in pain, and he doesn’t want to trouble anyone. He wants to take care of himself.

I am like him. I want to solve my own problems without relying on other people.

My Dad is still full of hope. He wants to go home, and he wants to eat good food, make jokes at the dinner table, and pet the dog.

My Dad is afraid of not being able to breathe, and he is afraid of embarrassment and of pain.

My Dad has let go of some things. He doesn’t complain about people any more, except George W. Bush. He is very cooperative with the nurses and doctors. I am not like that yet. I want to correct them, refuse to do things on his behalf. But it’s not my decision.

My Dad still has his warm sweet voice. I would like to be more like my Dad. He is easy-going and a forgiving person. My Dad has had a long life, and he has done a lot of good in the world. If he knew when his life was going to end, he would carefully prepare and leave calmly. But the uncertainty, although normal, is hard to take. Any of us could get sick or hurt or could die at any moment.

Thank you, God, for all the caring, helpful, skilled, and hard-working people that are there at those times. I love my Dad, but I can only do a little bit to help him. I do believe in prayer and in working on things also.

Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.

Julia Philips

May 3, 2007


Ross Burkhardt recited poems and shared these comments:

Our first speaker this morning, Karen Nystrom, referred to Ed by citing a line from a Robert Frost poem. I suspect that Frost might have had someone like Ed in mind when he composed these words:


The Road Not Taken
by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;


Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,


And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.


I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

My name is Ross Burkhardt, and I live in Las Cruces with my wife, Jeanne. Many people have spoken of the adventures they had with Ed, and his voyages all over the world. Jeanne and I were fortunate to travel with Ed and Linnea on several occasions. We went to England and lived in a 17th century thatched cottage, where Ed cooked meat using a Raeburn stove -- the crackle was delicious. We purchased pottery in Mata Ortiz, Mexico, near the ruins of Paquime. We toured Trinity Site one cold October day, and we birded at the Bosque del Apache many times. We also enjoyed extravagent tail-gate dinners at the Santa Fe Opera.

A nineteenth century poem by Lord Byron speaks to these adventures, and to our sadness and sense of loss:

We'll Go No More A-Roving
by George Gordon Lord Byron

So, we'll go no more a-roving
So late into the night,
Though the heart be still as loving,
And the moon be still as bright.

For the sword outwears its sheath,

And the soul wears out the breast,
And the heart must pause to breathe,
And love itself have rest.

Though the night was made for loving,
And the day returns too soon,

Yet we'll go no more a-roving
By the light of the moon.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Joy of Life: Ed's Last Day

Prayer of the Faithful

Prayer of the Faithful


Leader: In Thanksgiving for Ed’s life, a life spent loving and supporting family, friends, and students in many ways, we pray.

Lord, hear our prayer.

Leader: A devoted father to two generations of children for over fifty years, and a loving and supportive husband to Linnea for thirty years, may we follow his example in providing steadfast support and sustenance to others, we pray.

Leader: An advocate for social justice and human rights, Ed worked for church reform and opposed injustice. May we continue this work, we pray.

Lord, hear our prayer.

Leader: Intellectual and intelligent, Ed was always curious and always thinking. He eagerly explored new places and ideas through travel, reading and research, in both his personal and professional life, and shared his discoveries with students friends, and family. May we continue his love of knowledge and teaching, we pray.

Leader: As one who suffered the pain of divorce and the loss of his son, Joseph, Ed was no stranger to sorrow, and he reached out to others in empathy. May we follow his example, we pray.

Lord, hear our prayer.

Leader: Ed faced the daunting struggle of his long illness with bravery and good humor, and made sure his family would be cared for after he was gone, despite his failing health. May his courageous and loving heart inspire all of us, we pray.

Lord, hear our prayer.

Leader: In thanksgiving for Ed’s caregivers: for Linnea, for Julia, Jesse, and Psyche. For the wise and concerned care of Dr. Ian Rabinowitz and the staff of the University of New Mexico Cancer Research and Treatment Center for over two years, and for the VistaCare hospice staff, especially our nurse Christina, and all who patiently and tirelessly care for the sick and elderly, we pray.

Lord, hear our prayer.

Leader: In thanksgiving for the support of Father Bob Kelly and VistaCare hospice Chaplain Linda Broda Pribble, and for the support of Eleanor and Anjie, and the members of the caregivers’ and cancer survivors’ writing groups, and to all who minister to the suffering and sorrowing, may the peace they give be given them, we pray.

Lord, hear our prayer.